It has been quite a ride over the past several years. To update, I have only one child living at home with me now and he just turned 14 years old yesterday. I have made many changes as a person on my journey over the past years and hope to make many more along the way. Writing in this blog once again is my plan to regain something in which I have lost sight. I made myself so busy that I was not able to connect with anyone, not even in my own home. Over the last year or so I have been working on making some changes. I have started eating better, losing 40 pounds along the way. I have started meditating and trying to remain present. I discovered through some reading, watching documentaries, and some self reflection; the past is about regret and sorrow and cannot be changed, the future is about anxiety and uncertainty and only causes stress when we try to predict it. Some events of the past can bring joy at the thought of them, but dwelling on the negative aspects of the past are what causes trouble.
If we can simply be present and “live in the now!” we will find more joy and deal with less trouble and strife as would be the case dealing with the past or future. It is something I have discovered as “mindfulness.” My stress level and uncertainty of life has all but gone away after this epiphany. Almost two years ago I went through three panic attacks. Last year, after my change of mindset and focus, I was able to completely rid myself of panic attacks and I feel so great I wouldn’t want it any other way. My plan going forward is to challenge myself to make some huge life changes. First, stay present as often as possible. If I think of the past, I wish it to be to avoid repeating mistakes and gain wisdom. If I think of the future, it will be with optimism, knowing that whatever challenges I face will be an opportunity to learn and grow. I will choose to expect nothing specific out of the future. Since the future is uncertain it could lead to a failure to meet my expectations or could be much greater than I originally thought would occur. Right now, in this moment, I am writing this blog post while my son is eating Cheetos and watching TV. He seems happy, and who wouldn’t be while eating their favorite snack and watching Good Mythical Morning. I am also happy, I have finally decided to evaluate my life as it is right now and think upon it with joy and gratitude, documenting my thoughts in hopes to inspire others to view their lives in a positive and gratuitous way. I hope to start making wiser choices based on the facts of today and not the blur of the past or the clouded future. I have no expectation for the followers of this blog, only that my hope is that in some way I can encourage you to take a different look at your life and how you are connected to others through your experiences and your human-ness. I may never retain a follower given I started this blog four years ago only to all but abandon it until now. If this ends up being a way for me to journal my own life journey and changes forthcoming to my own satisfaction and reflection, so be it. I still welcome you to be my sojourner. I hope you all find peace and joy in your life and that you are willing to share it here.